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Every drop of paint is a part of fear being taken from her being and put onto canvas to release it and let go.

Releasing Fear

I just want to put this out there…

Since this whole lockdown thing in March started, I’ve come to a place of peace in a sense. I took the opportunity to take all the extra time (not really extra with 3 kids but…) to do some major self-reflection. I knew that I had past traumas to resolve and the only way I could go that deep within myself was to ‘disconnect’, so that I could ‘reconnect’.

It was an interesting journey to say the least, I discovered that certain events would just play on replay in my head, over and over. So much so, I would barely even notice it. Some of these events were seemingly meaningless, others not. Some of the damage I thought was irreversible.

The ultimate goal I had during this self-discovery journey was to rediscover out who ‘Mélanie’ was as a child, before society broke her…

I remember being told that the wisdom I had was deep for a child so young, many people would point it out and I never knew what it meant or what to do with it. All I knew is that I felt different and alone. This world never felt like home to me and of course, I was always a little bothered by that. Why was everyone so happy just going about life? So many just content, not even questioning their reality? I just couldn’t comprehend why I always felt so different. Always being told I was weird definitely supported my feelings of being somewhat alienated from this world.

To be honest, I’ve never quite felt at home during this lifetime. I remember looking up at the sky and feeling so close yet so far from home (and still do for that matter). The feeling is painful and blissful all at the sametime. Funny how I feel more ‘At Home’ looking up at the stars compared to when I look down here on earth, the place I’m supposed to call home… As a child, I knew I had a purpose, a reason for it all… there had to be right?

You know, I still look for that purpose knowing every step of my journey takes part in that purpose. But to see the bigger picture, what a great feeling that would be! Knowing that you’ll have value in the world… that you’ll make a change. Could you imagine the things you could accomplish?!

As I delved into facing my childhood memories, the first thing I noticed was a pattern. I was often told to shut up, be quiet, my voice was too squeaky, sounded like Minnie Mouse, was annoying or otherwise was just ignored when I spoke up. It really made me feel like I could never be me. Me was not good, me needed to be quiet and NOT share any thoughts I had…

This realization was huge for me and it made total sense! I always hold back my words! I almost feel as if there was some force trying to mold me to never share my knowledge (which I know can benefit many and I still hold back so much).

Back to present life…

So how I was able to delve so deep was by trying to find what I loved as a child and try it out again. I loved to paint, draw and create! Was often told it was a talent so great. So I grabbed a brush to see what I could create.

Grabbing that brush and getting the chance to create again has resulted in something much larger and grander than I ever thought. For it seems that as a result, a new person has emerged… One you didn’t know, just barely 3 months ago.

I’ve been reborn, I’m here to stay. My wings have grown but I won’t fly away. I will embrace this moment in time, the moment I get to meet and be this new me!

I’m not scared anymore.

View my latest artwork here: https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/melanie-edison?tab=artworkgalleries&affiliateId=A927755

What’s Happening???

As this virus hits the world
There’s so many who can’t see 
They seem to panic and to flee
To their homes, self-quarantined 

And then the fear takes toll
They loose their senses and control
To the crowded stores they stroll 
To buy… a measly toilet paper roll!

What is it that they’re fearing?
Do they really know the meaning? 
Most will think of it as nothing
While they’re sitting, self-containing

I watch the population, the world and this contagion
They ignore, not realizing, what it is that’s really happening
As if the world had stopped it’s turning
Did they forget their inner learning?

As they stare the wrong direction
They are blinded by the fear
Of this virus named so dear 
A great world famous beer! 

But the knowing one will question
The original intention
Those who see with eyes wide open
Will have a chance in this conundrum

We come to face it once again 
Missing links or pure connection? 
The facts that simply don’t addition
Was it a plan put into action? 

#coronavirus #corona #coronaoutbreak #COVID-19 #SaturdayThoughts #coronapocalypse #toiletpaper #ToiletPaperApocalypse #LOL #COVID_19 #COVID19 #PeopleCantHandleTheTruth

Blog Heading for How Long Can We Deny It?

How long can we deny it?

A poem I wrote last night. It came to me while washing dishes. Kind of odd as I havent written anything close to a poem since high school. Thought I would share this new found creativity with you:

“We are brought into this world…
Without knowing what we’re told…
Then we’re thrown into a system…Without Wisdom
Its so frigid and cold… It’s like prison
They taught us in school… How to follow the rules
But they took us for fools… And didn’t give us the tools
They put us in a box… Filled with corners, walls and blocks
They taught us about history… And left out a big mystery
They had to tell us those lies… So they could keep their disguise
We were then told to continue… Or there would be no venue
It’s almost as if… They try to kill the purpose in you
They gave us food that was mutated… And soil that was depleted
To give us medication… With no alternative solution
They kept our name… And then gave us a number
Turned it into a game… So that they didn’t blow their cover
Making incredibly sure… We never ponder nor discover
The many truths that they kept… Never left to uncover
They say it’s the 2 percent… Who don’t struggle to pay rent
The only problems is… That it’s a private event
And you need to get in… If your planning to win
If you’re goal is to win… There’s just one way to get in
It’s too bad the only option… Is to be part of the corruption
Why do we fear… Holding near and dear?
It’s because we are taught… To steer clear… And fear
If only we could find hope… We might be able to cope
And break free from all the lies… And ties
If only we could realize…
And start to compromise… And empathize
Remove our programming… All the brainwashing…
And stop following…
Now if only we could see… Just how amazing we can be
Just maybe we could find… The key to unity
Maybe even free… All of humanity
You see, our body holds… The key to the untold
Please… Take the chemicals away
Our body is made to heal… In it’s own way
The only reason it doesn’t?
Is ’cause BigPharma doesn’t want it!
How long can we deny it?”

Written by Mélanie Edison on May 1st 2018

How I Found My ‘Thing’

Everybody has a ‘thing’… right?

At least, that’s what seems to be the case when it comes to the world of online entrepreneurs. It may not be the case but after years of observing, the successful ones, seem to always have a ‘thing’.

The thing can be one or more of many different things. But it’s something the person does consistently, that somehow brings out the best in them, all while engaging and benefiting the audience.

When someone successful does this, it looks so easy, so natural. And guess what?

What I figured out, is that once you find that ‘thing’… YOUR ‘thing’. It really is easy, effortless and natural!

I really want to point out where I’m coming from too because many I see out there have thousands of followers and what looks like tons of experience. They look like total pros… That’s not me.

I’m an awkward, camera shy, weirdo who often has trouble putting my thoughts into words. What I say often sounds like gibberish and my verbal stories can be hard to follow.

I have under 100 followers on almost all my platforms and I value each one. I don’t go out seeking new followers by trying to follow as many as possible but rather follow the ones I like and just do my thing instead.

The reason is simple, as much as I’d love to grow and be successful, I’d rather have viewers and followers that are genuinely interested in and will benefit from what I do.

I believe that by taking this approach, I may not have as many followers but I will have the RIGHT followers for me.

Being myself in all of this is one of the most important parts of my journey… It’s also one of the most difficult!

In the online world, one could easily see me as a nobody. I want people to see what the beginning looks like… Well, I say beginning but this is the turning point so to speak.

Let me explain…

I created my website theintuitivehealinggarden.com a few years back as a means to share some thoughts and stories. So that’s not new, I’ve obviously been building ‘something’ for awhile now. But there’s a turning point. It happened a couple of months ago.

Up until that turning point, I didn’t have a ‘thing’. I had many ‘things’ but no real ‘thing’ that was not only unique to me but also brought out the BEST in me. It made me capable of doing things that I couldn’t achieve before!

So what’s my ‘thing’???

A couple of months ago, as I had been dabbling back into creating art, I started to draw symbols. Not really anything specific but a rather automatic, let the pen guide my hand kind of way. It felt very intuitive and was driven to continue doing more. Almost like a deep urge inside of me needing to come out.

By removing the need to guide the pen and let it do the job on it’s own, it broke a basic artistic barrier I had of always trying to make it perfect. The result was fascinating to me!

You see, as the symbols fill parts of the page, they transition into drawings in an very automatic, ‘go with flow’ way. When one observes the images afterwards, you can start to notice the depiction of feelings, emotions and thoughts.

What helps one understand even further is that I do these creations live on facebook.

While I create the piece, I talk. I talk about things going on, random thoughts, deep wisdom I seldom like to share, question things that need to be questioned, share life experiences and more.

The talk part is kind of like the drawing part, it’s very random and unplanned. The words come intuitively and in random spurts of either lots of words or complete utter silence.

I also do the livestreams in a way where the camera faces only the paper I’m working on.

THIS is what broke the barrier of being camera shy! THIS was a eureka moment for me! I felt like screaming ‘I’m finally free!’.

Although, I was still a little shy, it broke the barrier enough to attempt it. And then do it again… and again. (That’s it though, until late today or this week until I do another… as stated before, this is my NEWLY discovered ‘thing’).

The art is actually a 2 step process. After a friend saw my ‘asemic art’ (that’s the best name I could find to describe it LOL), she recommended that I paint over with watercolour.

That’s when the magic happens!

As the paint is laid onto the paper, the symbols and images suddenly come to life with the vibrant colours. A story starts to be told and we start to comprehend what all the gibberish I speak actually means.

The biggest benefit of this, is the process I go through. It’s so soothing and calming, relaxing to say the least. I go right into what I call my ‘zen zone’ when I do this. I’m not really thinking very much, I always think too much, so it’s a great retreat from reality.

Spurting the thoughts onto paper so randomly as they come seems to unlock the barrier I have expressing words and thoughts. As if the artwork fills in the blanks of the missing words I may not express verbally.

By breaking all these barriers with one simple method, I found my ‘thing’! I am loving my ‘thing’! I can be me doing my ‘thing’ 🙂

Come watch me do my ‘thing’ on YouTube where I post all the recap videos of my Facebook Livestreams. You can find all 3 here (more to come, this is my ‘thing’ now!):

Subscribe to my YouTube channel to make sure not to miss out on my upcoming videos: https://youtube.com/channel/UCjpmNyJutrpfXqlAMjBnsHQ

A New Venture…

Digital artwork is fun but nothing tweaks my creativity like a good old pencil and sketchpad or canvas and paintbrush. The lockdown has given me much time for introspection and I have been healing myself through art. By making a purchase you are supporting my family by helping me make a living doing what I love. I am very thankful for my buyers 🙂 You can view and purchase my artwork here:

Lemons or Lemonade? You Choose!

A couple of years ago, I was looking to add some plants in my house. We didn’t really have many plants in the house and it was something I missed, previously having many plants in our old house. Sadly, we had to find them new homes when we moved across the country and then simply never got around to getting new plants for our new home.

“I want a lemon tree!” I exclaimed to my husband one day. He looked at me with a puzzled face, “A lemon tree?! You know we live in Canada right?! How are you gonna grow a lemon tree here?!”. I went on to explain that we would keep it inside and give it lots of sun and “it will be fine!”. Now, my husband doesn’t argue (under almost ANY circumstance he will let me be right, regardless of who is really “right”), so he went along with my idea. He did have some good points, one of them being, how I would find one but I had it all covered. Little did he know, I had done my research! I’d googled growing fruit straight from the seed and found that I could grow a lemon tree from the seed of an organic lemon. At least, that’s what Google had to say about it, so why not?

Off I went to my local grocery store and bought a couple of organic lemons. I was so excited to get home and get the seeds ready. There was some prep involved to remove the husk of the seeds. Which I chose to do but hear is optional and simply speeds up the germination process. Once all the seeds were prepped, I was ready to plant them!

It’s been a couple of years since…

I am proud to say that I HAVE A LEMON TREE! Okay, it’s small but the progress has been really fruitful so far! To imagine that from a seed that was in a lemon, in a grocery store, likely soon to be in the garbage and then a landfill (maybe it would have been composted depending on who bought it), long to be forgotten; now grows a small tree that will hopefully, eventually grow it’s very own lemons. Much like the very lemon they originally came from.

But why a lemon tree? Well, for one, lemons offer tons of benefits, so having them around is probably not a bad idea. But anyone who knows me well, knows that in my eyes everything has a meaning, everything has to have a meaning. There IS ALWAYS a deeper meaning… a story… a lesson… And to me, lemons had great meaning…

When you first taste a lemon, it is sour. It makes your faces smirk and squint in weird ways, it might make you quiver or get goosebumps. Many people relate this to a bad experience. But then, if you change perspectives and look at what you can do with a lemon… you can make lemonade with it! Mmmmmm… I mean, why not??? Lemonade, tastes so good! And yet, it comes from that same, sour lemon. With a slight adjustment, you have taken that lemon and created a delicious thirst quenching drink! Many people relate this to a good experience…

With lemons, we CAN make lemonade!
Keyword here is CAN!

You see that??? The choice we have? We don’t make lemonade instantly, out of pure instinct. But we can CHOOSE to make lemonade with our lemons if we WANT to.
Do we want to? I guess that’s up to us. But we have to question… do we really like biting straight into a sour lemon? Or would we prefer putting in the tiny bit of effort to make some lemonade and quench our thirst?

We choose our perspective (whether we realize it or not) and sometimes, a little effort may be required to turn Lemons into Lemonade!

So with this story and lesson, I introduce to you my most recent design…
Lemons or Lemonade? You Choose!

https://shop.spreadshirt.ca/endlesssynchronicities/all

Her Unexpected Journey

The girl, she never thought she would marry

As an only child, she only knew to be lonely

Playing the field was just too easy

She thought there was no one and only

 

Then there was an office party

He was kind and quite the hottie

He rubbed her feet, was kind of silly

She said “do it daily and I’ll marry”

 

That day came, they chose to marry

And they wanted to have a baby

3 years went by on their journey

The problem, infertility

 

Finally, with the help of a doctor

There was something to hope for

The couple finally had one

When they thought they could have none

 

The second was a surprise

She even did the test twice

“2” came amidst the first snow fall

‘Twas an event, full moon and all

 

So happy they were, they couldn’t find the words

They never really thought, they would ever have a third

But one day, oops, it had to be

Sweet little baby number three

 

Looking back she is so happy

Knowing she’s blessed with family

She’ll never have to worry

About spending her days lonely

 

This is me…

As a person who practices reiki and promotes a natural living style, I’m often left feeling kind of like a traitor or a two-timer. I feel trapped in the middle of 2 conflicting methods and often feel I have to hide one side of me.

My reality is that I deal with mental illness, in fact I have my whole life. I have adhd, anxiety, ocd tendencies and am slightly agoraphobic. To be honest I am totally fine with all that and came to terms with my issues a long long time ago. But one thing that makes me feel bad sometimes is that I do, yes I do, take medication for my adhd. I’ve tried without many times and unfortunately I just can’t function. I become dead to the world, struggling my hardest just to get through the daily. I become a totally different person, I can’t cope, I am sad, have no energy and all in all just become a very dark minded individual. I just don’t feel like me. I reverse my bad thoughts as they come but it’s more powerful than me, it’s like I lose who I am, my inner self.

Now with my medication, I feel much better, am no longer lazy, my thoughts are positive and I finally get to feel what ‘normal’ really is. ‘Normal’ for me is HUGE, I remember when I first experienced ‘normal’ for the first time… it was the most amazing feeling ever! I didn’t know that some people could feel this amazing ‘normal’ feeling. I often spoke to them (whoever they were, coworkers, strangers, often friends) as they explained to me that they couldn’t understand how I felt whereas I, on the other hand, couldn’t understand how they felt. I saw it in others, I had a good idea of what it should feel like but had never felt that normal feeling myself. I even remember growing up as child telling my mom that I was not normal. 

When I started this blog, I was in a good mindset, in fact I was at one of the best places I had ever been. Then my life got thrown for a loop when surprise… I was suddenly expecting a third child. I would be lying if I didn’t say that I feared what would happen when I stopped my medication. But this time was different, this pregnancy, I had reiki, I had a good mindset, I had a plan! 

Well, that plan went down the drain pretty fast! Once I stopped the meds I was so debilitated that I couldn’t even drive myself to do even the most minimal ‘family’ tasks, perform reiki, think positively or even write any content for my blog (this is why my Twitter, Facebook and blog have been pretty much inactive since last summer). I couldn’t get off the couch for the life of me. I would sleep all the time and just wait for life and each day to pass by. Going out was also near impossible, I couldn’t handle the crowds.

Recently, I had my baby (she is awesome, a true blessing) and was finally able to get back on track (in other words, start my meds again). The very first day was the most glorious of all! I felt like I had energy, was able to focus and could see the good in things again. The difference is unexplainable. I can’t even find any words to describe it. 

So this is why I feel like a traitor, a two-tuner. Because many will oppose all chemicals and say that one does not need them and can heal on their own. I kind of agree with that, in the way that I think things like adhd and other mental illness can be caused by external influences, thus causing the problem in the first place.

I am not pro nor con on the subject of taking medication, even though I believe there are better ways to heal. I believe that each person knows their limitations and should be able to judge for themselves if they need it or not. I believe that it is no ones place to judge another for taking or not taking medication to manage mental illness among other things. For me, I know I need it. Maybe one day I will reach a level where I will no longer need to take anything but I am not there yet and that is okay. I know myself well enough.

I felt I needed to put this out there. I want to be real, I dont want to create a false image of myself and I want to be as transparent as possible with this website. Judge me if you want but this is who I am. 

This is me…




THE LEGEND OF IN VITRO

As legend goes…

Couples who go through conception woes

And are eventually led to the world of In Vitro

May have a change at a go

And if the embryo takes

A new life is in place

But as legend goes…

These fertility woes

Far away they will go

If the pair can hold strong

And stand the test of time long

As legend is told…

They will be blessed with more miracles

As our story is told…

We are here to expose

That it seems we have a third in tow

We are living a legend

The legend of In Vitro…

My ‘OFF’ switch – a simple sleep trick

alarm clock analogue bed bedroom

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Can you get to sleep easily? Or does it take a while, maybe even hours before you can get to sleep?
If you read the title of this post, then you may be wondering about what this ‘OFF’ switch is all about. At least that’s what I call it, my ‘OFF’ switch. Simple. Right? Just turn your brain off. Okay, maybe not THAT simple but more on that later.
First, let me explain what brought me to this very easy simple method. For years now, when I go to sleep, I sleep. Impossible you say? That’s what I thought for many years growing up with insomnia. I will admit at some point in my early twenties, life was good and stress was low and during those years, I could fall asleep almost instantly and wake up the next day ready to go. It baffled my husband how I did it and even I myself didn’t even really know. I called it my ‘OFF’ switch. I would tell him “It so easy just go to sleep, let go and that’s it! Wake up the next day!”. To him, it was not quite so simple. As with many people I would talk to about this subject. Many would tell me they would give the world to get a good nights sleep.
But then it happened, I couldn’t fall asleep! One night… I tossed and turned the entire night! Then the next night was the same. Then the night after that and the night after that. Where had my ‘OFF’ switch gone? I just couldn’t find it and I couldn’t understand. Suddenly, it wasn’t so simple. My ‘OFF’ switch was broken 🙁
At some point later, I’ll estimate a couple of years at least. I was going through a tough time and following a recommendation I decided to attend DBT group therapy. In the end, group therapy is not really for me, which was no surprise. However, there was one trick one young lady there mentioned that stuck with me. One of the reasons it stuck, I think, was because the coach (or the person leading the group) mentioned that the technique, although it worked for this girl, would likely not work for most people because it required too much focus. Well, I’ve never been normal in any way so his comment only attracted me of her method even more. I tried to see his point of vue but also hers. So I decided to try it out for myself but tweaked it slightly but… not really (I’ll explain soon). And I GOT MY OFF SWITCH BACK!!! I was so happy and although I had a slight process now, it was still such a simple method and I was able to fall sleep quick again and sleep, the entire night. FINALLY!

So what did she say and how did I tweak it?

She said that there was lots of noise in her house and in order to fall asleep she needed to focus on something else. So she would follow these steps:

  1. Breath in (count one in your head)
  2. Breath out (count two in your head)
  3. Breath in (count three…)
  4. Out 4
  5. Keep going until you hit 10, then start back at 1 again and repeat the sequence.
  • If you lose count, don’t worry about it. Start back at one or wherever you want. The point is that you don’t need to worry about anything and you can’t do it wrong.
  • If you end up at number 35, don’t freak out! It’s fine! Nobody got hurt, all is good. I promise. Just go back to one again when and if you want to. *see below about letting go.
  • Breathe NORMALLY, comfortably. No need for deep breathing.

Now, for the little add-on tips to bring this method from relaxing and refocusing to actual sleep.

One thing to note first, is that what I’ve noticed, at least for me, is that I have less ease sleeping when I try and counter or fight my thoughts. Acceptance and release are keys here.

antique crumpled crumpled paper dirty

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

So here’s how it goes, during these steps, while I’m counting, eventually my mind wanders, I no longer have focus on the numbers. This is where I simply let go and follow wherever it brings me with complete RELEASE and ACCEPTANCE of where it goes. I really love this part as I know (even consciously as it happens), that I’m off to my limitless dream land.
It’s important to not even think about what you’re thinking about. And I know that sounds like it makes absolutely no sense but hey, it’s the best and only way I can think of describing it. Just like Elsa says in Frozen “Let it go”. Or as I would probably say “just go with the flow”. If you notice you start trying to oppose, judge or otherwise counter your thoughts (or mind wandering), start counting again. Simple… At least to me…
Not convinced? You’re not alone. Most people I explain this method to, don’t believe me and explain that it’s not that simple. The only thing is, that none of these people have ever tried it! Then just this past holiday season, I went back to my hometown for Christmas and was having a coffee with my very first childhood friend. I was home and people knew me, especially her. She knew that most of what I say is always tried and tested. She also trusted that my method was at least worth a try. A week later, as I met with her before flying back home, she said she had something to tell me. I asked what was going on, she looked pleased. She said she couldn’t fall asleep the other night and she remembered my tips, she tried it out. She said she couldn’t even remember falling asleep and woke the next morning. She was stunned at how easy and effective it was! This helped me have hope that this may work for others. Thus why I share this with you today.
Seeing as I’ve had but one person actually try this simple method, I’d love to know if this works for others too. Comment below if you’ve tried it and how it turned out for you.
Share this with someone you know who may benefit from this simple trick.